can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
