btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
