you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
