um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
