Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
