I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
