I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
