just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
