and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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