umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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