I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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