Dual....:-)
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
