So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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