dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
