1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
