Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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