I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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