Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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