Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
