Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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