At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
