dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
