Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
