I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i need some magic done to my vagina
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
