threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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