i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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