she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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