You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
