i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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