i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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