dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
