I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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