Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
