I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
