we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
