when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize