tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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