Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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