I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
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