I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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