Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
