Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
