if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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