i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
