Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
