textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize