When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
