hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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