I have demons in me.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize