I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
