Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
