too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
