like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
