i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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