He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
