farters have to be the big spoon...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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