I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
