i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
