Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
