I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
