Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
