so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
