a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
