super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
