At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
