So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
