Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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