I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
