i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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