i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
