Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I faked an abortion last night.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize