Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
