Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
