Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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