the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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