I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
