if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
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You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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