i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Text me some of your sweat
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
