Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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