yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
