eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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