never play flip cup with pint glasses
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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