Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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