This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
