It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
