I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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