yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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