remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
