Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
