I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
