In the future we'll all be gay
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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